My spouse wishes a lesbian fan but does it end our wedding?

My spouse wishes a lesbian fan but does it end our wedding?


For 12 years, my relationship with my partner happens to be a good one in all aspects. We love each other dearly and our sex-life is fantastic.

But about eight months ago my spouse started initially to ask in a playful, non-serious means the way I would feel concerning the notion of having an other woman join us for intercourse sessions. We thought she ended up being responded and joking properly.

3 months ago my spouse said she had come to realise that she ended up being bisexual. She asked once again how I felt about an other woman joining us every so often, or if I became perhaps not confident with this, just how would we felt about her having a continuing relationsip with a lady periodically?

She guaranteed me personally it could never influence the grade of our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I happened to be unhappy about either scenario, but that she had taken me personally by shock and I also required a while to take into account it. Fleetingly a short while later we informed her myself engaged in any kind of sexual relationship with anyone else that I could not live in a relationship where either my wife or.

I am aware that many guys would love the idea probably of experiencing two females during sex, however it’s vital that you me personally which our sex-life continues to be ‘ours only’. Within my heart personally i think that if she took another lover it can spell the finish of the relationship in the end.

A couple of weeks ago my spouse dropped another bombshell.

She said that she was thinking it over since our final conversation and she felt I happened to be being unjust. She said the fact she is bisexual means that no matter how much we love one another, and no matter how good our sex life is, she can never be fully fulfilled in one aspect of her life that she knows.

She states she seems in this aspect of her sexuality, and she should be allowed to explore this side of her nature that it’s only adultery if she was to sleep with another man, but the very fact that I am male means it’s impossible for me to fulfil her.

We stuck to my guns on this matter, but she said that she felt that she will have to end the marriage, against her desires, because she had to at the very least experience intercourse with a lady. This is where we left it.

Have always been i must say i being unreasonable become therefore against her having a feminine lover? I can’t stand the basic notion of losing her, specially when she will not wish our relationship to end. Have always been we being unfair to her or less than understanding to not enable the marriage to keep if she’s got a feminine lover?


David writes:

You are in a situation that is awful and I also’m really sorry indeed to listen to about any of it. No, I do not think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Many husbands would not were as understanding as you have been, and might have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

Because of the way, from previous experience, we’d state it is very most likely that your particular wife already has some other girl in your mind. She might even went some way in the future to a relationship that is physical her.

This might be all really unfortunate, since there’s a chance that is high it is going to end up in the termination of one’s wedding. The most readily useful hope will be for you personally as well as your missus to get together for counselling. Relate are accustomed to coping with these ‘three in a bed’ difficulties plus they have actually branches in your county.

Christine adds:

We too have always been very sorry to listen to of one’s situation. This indicates in my opinion that anything you do, or whatever your spouse chooses to do, your relationship is not likely to be exactly like it absolutely was.

Nonetheless, that will not mean it offers become terrible. Personally I think by using such love between you, it may be possible to save the marriage, though it is not going to be easy as you have.

I would personally state that Relate counselling is essential. May I also declare that an organisation is contacted by you called FFLAG. This is short for Friends and groups of Lesbians and Gays. They must be in a position to provide some body for you yourself to speak with – anyone who has experienced what you are needing to work through now. Their helpline figures are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You’ve had a hell of the shock, but while you state your lady happens to be truthful with you – so far as we could inform. If you are prepared to work hard to save your marriage so you do need to ask yourself. It, it is going to require compromise on both sides if you are to save.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, intercourse and relationships specialist

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